Meetings just didn't seem to be my thing. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy going and sitting around a bunch of people who are just like me. They get me and I get them. I go when I'm feeling really down and it seems like nobody understands what I am going through. You can also tell that some people are full of crap and are only there because they have to be. Which was something I had to get over. You can only control yourself. I also have a support system. Which some people don’t have. I'm very lucky to have the family and friends that I do. At first, I had to go to the meetings. I had to earn back my families and friends trust back. That took quite some time, but now they are so proud of me, and knowing that, that keeps me sober. I keep myself sober.
So what do I do now? Self care. Self care is so huge and I never realized it. I always put everyone else before me. My kids will always come before myself, so I had to figure out how I could manage to put myself in there too. I get up in the mornings. My body doesn't know how to sleep in anymore. I enjoy the quiet on the weekends especially. I get my cup of coffee and just relax and just soak it all in. During the week I obviously have a hard time doing so, especially if the little one wakes up before they leave. Some days I get lucky. Nighttime is my best friend. I stay up for a few hours. Sometimes I regret it. If I don’t though, I can see the change in myself. So I need to. Whether its reading or binging Dexter, Supernatural, or whatever on Netflix. I write or I read a book. I get the few things done around the house that I didn’t get to earlier. I scroll through social media, which can just be a trap sometimes. Sometimes I'm stuck watching the cartoon the kids were watching before they went to bed. Sometimes I just sit in utter silence. Which makes me sound like a crazy person, but I know parents can relate to that one.
So maybe meetings just aren't your thing. Maybe they are. Maybe you only go sometimes. Don’t ever let somebody discourage you on what works for you. I use to get so tired of people asking "so when are you going to your next meeting?". Take care of yourself. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. Reach out to your support if you need to. I don’t mean isolate yourself, because that can end up a bad thing. Never do anything that could put yourself back in that dark place. Please don’t ever let one last time be your last. Too many of us don’t come out of this disease. So if you're doing the sober thing, pat yourself on the back, treat yourself to something nice, because I know it's not easy. But you are a rock star, a badass person for coming out on top. You are an inspiration to so many people. Share your story because you never know whose life you could saving.
