I woke up today and that's something to be thankful for. I used to dread it. Sometimes I didn't even sleep. I don’t miss those days. I use to never look at things the way I do now. Today is a new day though. I will live for today. We are not all promised tomorrow. I try to live each day like it could be my last, but that doesn’t always work out. Some days I yell, I get angry, and then at night I beat myself up for it. Will that be the last thing my kids remember about me? It's things like that that make me want to be better tomorrow. I use to hate the world. I hated being here. I hated everyone. Life was so awful and I dreaded getting through the day. It seemed one minute it could be okay and the next it was all falling about. Everything sucked. I'm afraid if it wasn’t for my children, I wouldn’t still be here. I tried to end my life twice. I am still here and I believe that's for a reason.
Life is beautiful. It really is. Have you ever taken a second to just take it all in and look around? Have you ever just stared at your kids in silence and just realized how truly amazing they are? I mean sure, they are little assholes sometimes, but aren't we all? Who do you think they got it from? Haha! Have you ever looked at nature and just realized how amazing and beautiful it really is? Maybe I am just weird, but I do every single day. Bad things happen though, it’s just life. Every single day is not going to be rainbows and glitter. That's just life. Some times that tree is just ugly and the person staring at you just pisses you off. Some days every little thing just pisses you off for no damn reason. So what are we supposed to do about it? Continue on. So what if you fall? That's okay just don’t stay there. Get back up and stand even taller. Punch the bad in the face. You control your life! I know that sounds crazy right? It's so true though! I used to think that I couldn’t do anything about it. That my life was just meant to be crazy, chaotic, and always a mess. I was a complete mess. I use to yell "Why does everything bad happen to me?". I thought it would never get better.
I control my life. I control how I deal with the bad and the good. I control the mess, chaos, and the crazy. My life is always going to be like that. My life is also amazing. I have fallen so many times and I have almost given up. I did at some points, but I came back even better. Stronger. We are given the toughest battles, because we can handle it. I don’t know why and I will never understand it. Maybe it's because you are suppose to show others that they too can be stronger than ever. Everything really does happen for a reason. Everything that happens teaches you something. Stop and think about that. Think about anything that has ever happened to you for just a second and ask yourself what you learned. Did you let it get you down or did you do something about it? What did it teach you? What happened when it was over? It's okay if it took you some time. Hell, it took me 28 years to think they way I do. It took me 28 years to realize the only thing I can control is myself.
So today is a new day. Stop thinking about what happened yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. Today is the only day you need to be worried about. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Yesterday is history and you can't change that. Stop worrying about the what ifs and what could haves and just live today. We are all going to die and that's a fact. So how do you wanna live your life? If you're depressed and down, that’s fine. Just please don’t stay there. You are missing out on so much. I know some of you are like shut up you don’t understand what it's like. I may not, but I can relate. My life is far from perfect and I am far from perfect. I have those days where I don’t get out of bed and I don’t shower, but I don’t stay there anymore. I don’t want to not wake up tomorrow and that's the last thing I did. I had to change my mindset. You have to change your mindset. It's not easy. It's so much easier to be negative and get in our minds and let those thoughts consume us. Control. It all goes back to control. Realize you control all that. Realize you control how you're going to face the day.
So how do you want to live today because that's all we're all doing. Living. Living for today.
