Today I did nothing and I don’t even feel bad for it.
Like I didn't even shower. I know, ew gross right?
But I don’t care. Just the thought of going up the stairs sounded exhausting.
Of course I didn’t just do absolutely nothing, I have kids.
I have a two year old who I sat on the couch with all day eating snacks and watching Scooby Doo and that was the highlight of my day.
I felt like a little kid. Scooby doo is actually hilarious if you're an adult.
I threw chicken in the crockpot because we all need to eat.
I did homework.
And like right now, everyone is sitting on the couch watching tv.
A year ago it would not be like this.
I used to care too much.
I craved a clean house.
And if you have kids you know that its like a nightmare everyday because let's face it, they are messy little creatures.
I would look around and my anxiety would get the best of me.
I would start yelling and power cleaning like no other.
I feel like all of my time was spent cleaning.
Like I said I have 4 kids. There are 6 of us. IT IS NEVER ENDING.
I would beat myself for it every single night too.
The time I wasted to clean a house instead of the time I could have spent with my kids.
How many times did I say "not right now" or "maybe later" to my kids. Before I knew it, it was bedtime. It seemed like a daily routine.
Don't get me wrong I have bi polar so depression days were no different. I did nothing on those days, but the constant mind games I would play on myself were so tormenting.
I used to feel bad for making plans and then cancelling.
I would spend hours just thinking of a way to get out of it.
Seems like being an addict made all that so much easier.
We can think of the most pathetic things in a matter of seconds.
So how did I stop feeling bad about it?
How am I able to just sit and relax knowing there is like 5 loads of laundry to do, dishes from earlier, the floor is filled with crumbs, and toys, and blankets.
Because IT IS ALL GOING TO BE STILL THERE TOMORROW.
There is always going to be tomorrow.
Don’t get me wrong it took a lot of training my mind to be able to do this.
Our minds are so powerful and it is so easy to let those negative thoughts control and consume you.
STOP.
Stop wasting your time.
You are doing just fine mom or dad, whoever you are.
Give yourself a damn break because you deserve it.
I think society doesn’t help either.
We see social media posts of the perfect people.
The perfect clean houses.
The perfect moms, etc.
Let's face I don’t want to be you Susan.
I am me. This is my life and it took me a long time to love it and just be okay with it.
I opened up to everyone around me. I told them the truth. I honestly just don’t feel like doing anything.
We can always reschedule. I don’t know when that will be, but let's plan on that.
Or if you want, come to my house and do absolutely nothing with me.
I love it.
It gives me a moment to recharge,
Life is hectic and crazy and demanding.
You need those days of nothing to just recharge.
Don’t let the things that need done feed into your mind.
Remember they aren't going anywhere.
And your kids, well, they deserve this too.
They go to school day in and day out and they have their own little heads of thoughts and life.
They deserve to relax and recharge too.
And I don’t mean tablets and games either. I hate those things and wish they were never invented. I mean nothing. Read a book, watch tv together, whatever it is. Do it.
The last couple weeks were exhausting and I don’t know how we got through them, but we did.
We all need today.
Maybe you're in bed and you just can't get out of it.
That’s ok. Invite the kids in and tell them we are not doing anything.
Be honest with everyone.
You just can't. Not today and maybe not tomorrow either.
We owe it ourselves to take care of our bodies and minds.
If others can't understand that, then screw them.
Must be nice to live the perfect life that they do.
You are not a bad person, you are not a piece of crap, you are not worthless, you are not a bad parent, you are not a bad friend. You are not anything that your mind tries to tell you.
You are a damn human being and being a human is draining.
I guess I should add that I am a stay at mom so that's easy to do.
I've also been a working mom. I know that that it is very demanding and you are on full motion at all times.
Absolutely no time to relax, right?
So come home, take your shoes off, and do the nothing!
Do it on a weekend even.
Whenever you can, just do it.
You will thank yourself.
Your kids will thank you.
Your man will thank you.
You will see such a change in your attitude and piece of mind.
You will be ready to conquer that next day.
So please take it easy on yourself.
You deserve that much to yourself.
Give yourself a much needed break and stop beating yourself up for it!
It will take time to get to this point, but I know that you can do it!
